My life is going perfectly. I'm married to a handsome man. We've just bought our first house. I'm happily checking things off my life's to-do list.
So, why am I paralyzed, weeping on the floor of my shower?
It's quite simple:
I'm a failure.
I've spent my entire life, every fiber of my being, needing to be a mother.
But that's not going to happen.
My husband is working nights. Drinking heavily.
He doesn't value me. He doesn't listen to me. He "finds my voice annoying".
This isn't working, and my life-long dream is slipping through my fingers.
The shadow of shame, anxiety and self-doubt has followed me since my teen years.
- Surging hormones left me overwhelmed with sadness and anger.
- My mind became packed with horrible, self-critical voices.
I gave up on myself and stopped believing that I was loveable.
The breakdown of my marriage has bought that all rushing back.
I have two choices:
1. The Easy Option: I remain trapped in my marriage, letting anxiety, fear, and false beliefs ruin my life.
2. The Scary Option: I find the courage to leave. To sell all my belongings and travel the world. To discover beauty and confidence in myself, and to help others do the same.
I know I need option 2, but I have no idea how to find this courage.
I've never been more terrified.
This might surprise you.. 😅
Yoga, and my first experience is a complete accident.
I stumble into what I think is a normal fitness class, and am too nervous to leave.
Despite being super skeptical:
By The End Of My First Class, Something Amazing Happens.
No screaming. No chattering voices.
For the first time in I don’t remember how long, my mind is clear.
I feel full of energy.
Previously, I’d been utterly overwhelmed by fitness.
I would read 100 blog posts and pins, and all of them would completely contradict each other.
No matter what I did, I felt I was doing it wrong.
Yoga flowed, it felt right, it just clicked.
- Through the breath work, I learned to calm my anxiety.
- Through the meditations, I learned to love myself and my body.
- Through the fitness, I gained new strength and confidence.
While yoga and I were love at first sight, it’s not always been easy to practice..
I was living in a tiny Arizona town, over 30 minutes from the nearest studio.
I was crushed by student debt.
Paying $100+ a month for yoga, was impossible.
So, I became a teacher, but this lack of accessibility stuck with me.
The problem was made even more clear when I started travelling full-time.
Struggling to find studios I could drop into (and liked) made keeping up with yoga a complete nightmare.
I needed to create something better, more flexible.
I started helping others through my blog and Instagram.
Helping women feel; powerful, peaceful, calm, energized and in control of their minds.
But I knew I could do more.
Yoga is 100% a personal journey. There is no "right or wrong" ways to do it, if we are moving our body safely.
I believe in teaching you how to find power and confidence through understanding your mind, body, and spirit in new ways.
I believe in not "doing it alone" but in having a community of awesome people who can help you reach your goals sooner, and can cheer you on during the process and after.
Finally, if you get to that point in a healthy body, that you embrace with love, I’ll consider it a job well done!